Children Suffer from Inherited Strife

“The beginning of strife is like letting out water [as from a small break in a dam; first
it trickles and then it gushes]; Therefore, abandon the quarrel before it breaks out
and tempers explode” – Proverbs 17:14. A lot of parents have made their children
inherit enemies, some children out of loyalty to their parents have unconsciously
acquired enemies on behalf of their parents. Children are naturally innocent and
have no conscious intent for grudges or malice. However, when parents play the
cards of loyalty, a child loses the ability to make right and healthy decisions for
themselves in situations that are extremely emotional. Children are avid imitators;
they watch your every move and it’s easy for them to replicate your attitude. So, if
you are one who is easily offended and never forgives, you are grooming a replica of
yourself. Humans are creatures of habit and we thrive with human interactions
(relationships) and we often have misunderstandings in relationships. However, we
can manage it and not allow it escalate. Relationships amongst cousin, nephews,
uncles, aunties and everyone in the family tree is very important however, when the
parents or guardian who ought to know better introduces segregation due to strife,
it brings on confusion for the children. There is no better preparation for adulthood
than a home founded on strong and healthy relationships. A child does not
understand why he is unable to communicate with his cousins or neighbours. In the
beginning, he will disobey his parents but after series of stern warnings, he stops
and is scared for most of his life until he eventually finds help and this may in turn
affect a lot of his choices in life. One of these kinds of behaviour is self-doubt in the
child. It might not seem so at first, but every time the child makes a decision with
regards to building a relationship, he or she second guesses themselves and would
want to seek the validation of others or the parents for a go ahead and this also
causes trust issues for the child as well. A child cannot go through life having trust
issues; people are going to wonder if he is insane. We never how much damage
these unhealthy patterns of behaviour can cause in the lives of our children.

“Better is a dry morsel of food served with quietness and peace than a house full of
feasting served with strife and contention” – Proverbs 17:1. Imagine a home with so
much partying and celebrations but there is a lot of contention amongst the family
members, strife can impact negatively on the children which leads to children who
suffer from anxiety, aggression, insecurity and has a lot of trust issues. Children are
the most vulnerable victims of our choices and our projected traumas.
I tell you a story of a close-knit family. Victor and Tony who are siblings, eventually
had their families and gave birth to three children each. Tony would do anything for
his only brother and vice versa. Victor required Tony’s assistance but he was unable
to take on the burden for his brother at the time as he had invested in some
businesses and he had only given this information to his wife and not his brother.
Resentment slowly began to set in, the children would not speak to Tony’s children,
they had reported this to their dad but he would urge them to continue to press in.
One day, the youngest of Victor’s children called his cousin a thief. You are a thief
just like your father, this led to a huge fight and both families had to sit down and lay
it all bare and they tried to trace all the dots to connect why all these happenings
started and gradually started noticing their short comings and faults.

Not every family might be this fortunate to have a second chance to change the
course of their history so as parents, our children cannot be the keeper of our strife
and bad attitudes. Strife destroys, it is our duty to tell them the truth about
situations and let them know it is not their responsibility to take on situations that
they have little or no information about, in their bid to stay loyal to their parents.