Little Humans, Big Feelings

Emotions are the gifts that we should always be grateful to have, for without them
we might never be able to relate with anything or anyone. As humans we
experience several emotions in a day and every emotion expressed or experienced
is extremely valid at that point.

As parents, it never truly dawns on us that a one-month-old baby is human and is
experiencing several emotions that cannot be fully expressed for us to
understand. We often believe that when they get to the age of communication then
their emotions can be considered, this ideology or opinion has created a huge wedge
between our children and us as parents in dealing with their emotions at that level.
These little humans have big feelings and an emotion not expressed is more deadly
than the ones expressed. We certainly do not want to have a child who is constantly
imploding on the inside because the environment is not conducive for them to
unpack their feelings.

Oftentimes than not, children experience a lot of repression from their parents and
this births low self-esteem, passive aggressive behaviors and lack of self-worth in
some cases. Words like “stop crying, do not speak, why do you want to know, only
speak when spoken to” and as they digest these words daily children begin to shut
down on the inside and carry on with these feelings until they become adults and
they begin to manifest these emotions in diverse way. We are raising children who
fight back because they have been repressed constantly and/ or we have children
who take a flight because they do not want to face the situation while others might
put up a defensive front. These children become voiceless and all these happen as a
result of the programming you have given them unconsciously through their
developmental years.

As a society, we value Intelligence Quotient (IQ) more than Emotional Quotient (EQ).
What is the use of having extremely intelligent children who are emotionally
damaged, awkward or socially inept simply because they lack emotional
intelligence. Emotions are like energy they cannot be destroyed so it will always
show up most times when least expected and can cause huge chaos. Teach yourself
to pay attention and validate the emotions your children are expressing so you are
equipped to help them navigate them wisely.

It is never too early to start a child with the importance and beauty of emotional
intelligence, they should be exposed from the very beginning and It starts with
learning and perfecting the art of apologies, as parents we must learn to admit when
we have done wrong or dropped the ball with our children and apologize as these
little humans have big feelings also. we definitely do not want them growing up to
become monsters who do not thrive well in families, communities and even to
themselves. It is so easy for children to forgive and as parents we must model
forgiveness to them as well, do not keep reiterating all they have done in
conversations as you claim to have forgiven them. Always remember, that these
feelings are stored up these and someday it will bear fruits.

Emotions drive behavior, so when you notice that little human acting out, find out
the root cause of that behavior and recognize their feelings and act intelligently
immediately. Most times, these emotions might seem as though it overpowers them
and they are unable to control them. At these times, we must teach them how to
name or label their emotions and empower them to become emotional governors,
when they are able to name them and connect to them, they sure know how to
navigate and make great decisions.

Also, it is important to take into cognizance that when their emotional busters are
out, do not react because your reaction may trigger a lot inside them and these inner
conversations reflect on how they see and treat themselves. As parents learn to
respond intentionally do not be reactive. Emotions are like honored guests you have
to welcome them in and allow the guest express their feelings so you know and
understand how to help your children deal with them. It is a journey of partnership
beyond assumptions.