The academic session is upon us again as every primary, secondary and tertiary
institution begins and tutors, teachers, heads of schools and lecturers are ready to
deliver their quota with the curriculum. Parents on the other hand have set some
unrealistic goals and academic targets for their children without involving them in it
and shoving it down their throat. Do we believe that our children get pressured? Do
we realize that our kids get frustrated with academic work? Oooh what nonsense!!
They are just acting lazy and the holiday has gotten to them, it is too much play you
might say, but you feel you might have a valid point which is 25% inaccurate. Children
just like adults feel or get frustrated and extremely frazzled by the simple sight of a
piece of chalk or the sight of a textbook.
I spoke with a teenager this week because her mum told me she had refused to
resume school and she was missing out on a lot, all she does is come up with excuses.
“All her excuses are not adding up for me says her mum”. So, we intervened and the
first question was Are you ready to return to school? and the answer was No with
tears in her eyes, of course mummy was out of the room. Why aren’t you ready? She
said the thought of school makes her stressed out and I begin to palpitate and I do
not think I can handle it mentally amongst many other reasons which were valid.
As we guard our mental health or space this year, it is important to help the mental
space of your child. The world they live in is very volatile, uncertain, difficult and
destructive, they have a lot they have to deal with. If they feel they can not measure
up academically they find a coping mechanism that might not be healthy for them.
So, parents please help prepare your children mentally before school, find out where
their emotions are at, what triggers the pressure or fear. Trigger points may be and
not limited to, bullying, unsolicited remarks or sexual harassment. Children do not
speak up because they know we always blame them for the reason why things
happen to them. Pressure from parents or guardians can be so overwhelming it
might force the child to give up and please do not allow your child over-hear you say
they did not live up to your expectations. When a child feels pressured, especially if
they are trashed down with words which makes them broken on the inside, if not
dealt with, that becomes the beginning of an internal death. Do not be the pressure
cooker affecting your child and also find out if the school is a pressure cooker as well
and find a way to mitigate this for the total well-being of your child. Guard your
child’s mental health. Their success is not in their grades.
Somi (not her real name) once told me she didn’t want to eat because she would
put on so much weight and she would be amongst the kids that they call fat and
ugly. Kids have a lot they deal with that are unspoken. When we say communication
is a healthy path way to knowing your child, always ask and find out why your child
is skipping meals and only wanting to loom a certain way, there must be an external
pressure factor. Children should be healthy yes under the supervision of their
parents. Parents, please watch out for signs like this- “My mum prefer my youngest
sister to me and she always says, I don’t act like the first child. She calls me names in
front of my siblings and berates me all the time, she says I don’t give good examples
and she wishes I would emulate my younger sister”. These words run deep and they
hurt, a child already dealing with self-esteem issues unknown to us as parents then
gets to hear this, this compounds the child’s issues, trying to live up to the standard
of her sibling and constantly seeking validation from her parents can result in a
downward spiral of behaviour. The pressure to become can break them and they
begin to lose touch with themselves and for some take drastic decision by rebelling
against their parents. We often say that courage is grace under pressure, we are not
trying to shield children from difficult situations however we can only prepare them
and prayerfully guide them on how to handle pressure.
It’s dangerous when these pressures are unspoken and unknown to us as parents.